Decades-long friendship ruined when 41-year-old woman refuses to let best friend's new boyfriend of two months be their third roommate: “[She says] I'm gatekeeping our home out of paranoia”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 25, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Every day I am thankful that I no longer live with roommates. I mean, I do live with my partner, and he is like a roommate of sorts. While we still do have little spats over whose turn it is to do the laundry this week, or whether or not it is okay to leave dishes in the sink overnight, these small disagreements certainly don't hold a candle to the mess that can result from living strangers. Even close friendships have been known to come to an end due to disputes over cleanliness, finances, and shared space.

Our story today is a tale as old as time. Two roomies coexist in harmony until one gets a boyfriend who starts to become a third roommate. At first our protagonist doesn't mind – he's polite and clean after all. However, when her roommate asks to add him to the lease, she is met with a very firm "no." Now the decades-long friendship is on the line as our protagonist holds true to her boundaries. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for refusing to let my roommate's new partner move into our shared apartment?

    SMALL IKE OS COM DOOKS 369 894 PAR APC
    via Blue Bird from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (42F) live in a two-bedroom apartment with my roommate, Sarah (38F). We've been friends since college and have lived together for three years. Our lease is month-to-month, and we split rent and utilities evenly. We've always had a good dynamic,
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 03
    with clear boundaries about guests, shared spaces, and household responsibilities.About two months ago, Sarah started dating Alex (28M). They hit it off quickly, and Alex has been spending a lot of time at our place-sometimes staying over four or five nights a week. I didn't mind at first, as Alex is polite and
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10508880128
    via AntonioGuillem

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    cleans up after himself. But last week, Sarah sat me down and asked if Alex could move in permanently. She said he's struggling to find an affordable place in our city, and since he's already here so often, it "makes sense" for him to join the lease and split rent three ways. Here's where the conflict comes in. I said no. I told Sarah I'm not comfortable with a third
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 06
    person living in our small apartment, especially someone I've only known for two months. The place is already cozy for two, with one bathroom and limited kitchen space. I also value the dynamic we have as roommates, and I'm worried adding Alex (who I don't know well) could disrupt that. Plus, I
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 07
    wasn't consulted before Sarah and Alex clearly started planning this, which made me feel a bit blindsided.Sarah got upset. She said I'm being selfish and not considering her happiness or Alex's situation. She argued that splitting rent three ways
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 08
    would save us all money (true, it'd drop my share by about $200/month), and that I'm "gatekeeping" our home out of paranoia. Alex even chimed in, saying he'd respect my space and wouldn't be a burden. I held firm, saying I'm not ready for a new roommate
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 09
    and that our lease agreement is between Sarah and me, not a third party. Since then, Sarah's been distant, and Alex has stopped coming over as much, which makes things awkward. I overheard Sarah on
    via u/Safe-Pin7597
  • 10
    the phone saying she might move out if I'm "going to be like this." I feel bad because I don't want to ruin our friendship or make her feel like she can't have a relationship, but I also think it's fair to want a say in who lives in my home. AITA for refusing to let Alex move in?
    via u/Safe-Pin7597

  • Roomie is too grown to get so hung up over our protagonist not wanting to live with some guy that she barely knows! 

  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10508879872
    via SHVETZ production from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    Carma56 NTA. And what happens when they break up? He moves out and your rent suddenly goes back up? And where is all is stuff going to go? Will you be expected to clear some of your stuff out of common
    via u/Carma56
  • 13
    areas to make room? Likewise, how is his cleanliness, and is he good about pitching in with chores? Does she even know? And why is he struggling to find his own place either by himself or with roommates of his own? Finding living
    via u/Carma56
  • 14
    accommodations does s k and is difficult in most cities these days, but for anyone with a record of responsibility and a full-time job it's far from impossible. No.
    via u/Carma56
  • 15
    You didn't sign up to live with a couple― you signed up to live with one person and split space equally between the two of you. If your roommate wants to play house with the guy she's only been dating for two months, she can certainly move out and get her own spot with him.
    via u/Carma56
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 10508880384
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Maybe it will mark an end to their friendship, but roomie needs to either realize that she's moving to quick with her new beau, or she needs to move in with him. This might also work out best in the long-run for the friendship as it seems that the pair are having boundary issues. 

  • 17
    marlene7ootsie4858 Also, a two-month relationship isn't enough to make such a significant decision!
    via u/marlene7ootsie4858
  • 18
    60moonchild Sooo what's up with Sarah that she wants him to move in AND only knows him for a few months???? Ewwww. Look for a new room mate OP and request she move out. In the meantime, hide your valuables and add a lock to your bedroom door.
    via u/60moonchild
  • 19
    Neptunie The way I read this and thought yea they hit it off quickly - Alex is in need of a place and her roommate was an easy target.
    via u/Neptunie
  • 20
    Resolve Resident118 You're NTA. Moving her partner in would radically change the vibe in the apartment. It would no longer be yours and hers it would be theirs with you in it. I'd probably go even further and put limits on how frequent he can stay over. They're right that he's pretty much living there now.
    via u/ResolveResident118
  • 21
    Alex even chimed in ? Alex was there when she asked you? Obviously they were going to discuss it between themselves first but he had no business being part of this conversation.
    via u/ResolveResident118
  • 22
    One_Ad_704 I hate the manipulation of the roommate saying "you don't want me to be happy". Yes, I do want you to be happy BUT not at the expense of my own happiness and safety. And it is not OP'S responsibility to help out Alex, someone she is not involved with and has only known 2 months.
    via u/One_Ad_704
  • 23
    otterpics NTA. 10yr age difference, only been dating/known eachother 2 months, wants to move in! They clicked because he wants somewhere to live at minimum cost. Sorry, I may be cynical, but I'd bet good
    via u/otterpics
  • 24
    money that if this relationship doesn't result in a new home he'll quickly disappear. Has Sarah been single a while before him? He sounds manipulative. A good little chap that cleans up etc, but butts his nose in to a conversation he shouldn't have been present for. Mmm I wouldn't trust him.
    via u/otterpics
  • 25
    ranchojasper This was also my assumption. Ten your age difference and they've only been together a couple of months?? it would be insane for them to move in together at all, much less into a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment she's already sharing with someone else
    via u/ranchojasper
  • 26
    beckdawg19 This was exactly where my mind went. I'm sure Sarah is a fine person, but from the outside looking in, I've seen a dozen of this man, and all they want is a sugar mama.
    via u/beckdawg19

Tags

boyfriend relationship advice AITAH Female Empowerment adulting bad roommates relationships girlfriend love breakup red flag Reddit roommates dating entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article